Jaiden Dale
Summer Bridge English
July 21, 2019
September 27, 2008
It started off as a regular day, the sun was shining, birds were chirping, everything seemed to be fine. My grandmother was in the hospital for something small so no one was concerned, so I had to spend the day with my dad and my step mom for the day until my mom came back from the hospital. She was admitted originally to get her appendix removed, because they believed she was having problems with it, so my dad and step mom made the day fun for me and took me to the mall so we could some activities to keep my mind off of things. This all changed when we were leaving the mall and my dad received a phone call from my mom I could tell something was wrong because my dad’s whole demeanor changed he answered the phone. As we got inside of the car the whole mood changed, I asked my dad “Where are we going?” He responded “To your great grandmother’s house”.
Being so young I instantly got happy, because growing up that was my favorite place to go. Because it was always fun there. But not this time, when we arrived at my great grandparents’ house there appeared to be a huge dark cloud just sitting over the top of it. So me being anxious to know what was going on I got out of the car and ran to the front door as fast as I could leaving my dad and step mom behind. As I walk onto the porch a weird feeling overcomes my body I can feel that something is not right. So I knock on the door that leads into the house, it takes someone a little while to answer it. Once they do I walk in to everybody with their head downs sobbing at this point, I am scared so the only person I want to see is my mom. I head into the kitchen, when I get there she is crying hysterically she is accompanied by friends and family handing her tissues and rubbing her back telling her, “ Everything is going to be ok” but it’s not. When I see her I call out “Mom”! When she hears my voice she instantly looks up and opens her arms, I run up to her and give her a huge hug we squeeze each other tightly as if we have not seen each other in years.
She continues to cry, but now she is crying harder than before, I believe it is because she knows she has to explain what is going on to me. So I finally ask her “Mom what’s wrong, why is everybody crying”? I can instantly tell it is one of the hardest things she will ever have to tell me in her life, when she finally catches her breath she is hesitant to tell me, When she finally builds up enough breath she says “Nana is gone”. Me being only eight years old, out of confusion I ask “What do you mean she is gone”, she responds, “She died in the hospital”. At this point I am overcome with emotions I don’t know how to feel at this point, at such a young age I don’t quite understand the meaning of death but I do understand that I will never see her in living form again.
At this point I am now crying hysterically I am sad but also angry at the same time that I never got the chance to say goodbye and tell her how much I love her. Now filled with mixed emotions I don’t want to be around anybody so I begin to head back to the door and walk outside I don’t have a destination but I don’t want to be inside of that house anymore. I’m lost, not physically but mentally! As I began to walk down the street my step mom comes out behind me flagging me down, by this point I have been crying nonstop and my vision is blurry and my face is crusty from all of the tears. She is now approaching me she is also crying. She approaches me and hugs me tight and we sit outside and cry together, she then hands me a tissue to wipe my face and she tells me “Everything will be ok”, and I respond, “Ok” not knowing the long term effects this loss will have on me.
The date is now October 3, 2008, the day of the funeral. I have been thinking about a lot the days leading up to it, it’s a lot to hold in being that I am only eight years old. I am terrified, this is the first funeral I’ve ever been to and the last time I will ever see my Nana in person again. The ride to the church is very quiet and awkward, when we arrive I do not want to get out of the car. I do not know what to expect on the other side of the church doors. When we walk in there is a line of people going outside of the door, I ask my mom “Who are all of these people and what are they doing” she responds “ They are friends of Nana they are here to see her one last time”. At that point I knew that my grandma had a positive impact on a lot of people’s lives, not just mine or my families.
As the funeral progressed I sat silently and listened to the pastor speak words of wisdom and encouragement, friends and family as well. Then it came time to view the body one last time, I’ve never been so nervous in my life. When we approached the casket I sat there reminiscing on all of the memories we shared and thinking about the ones we didn’t get a chance to make. I told her “I love you, and I promise to do everything I do for you”. I leaned in to kiss her lifeless cheek one more time before I returned to my seat and it was cold. When I returned to my seat all I could do is cry, this time it was harder than the first time when I was at my great grandparents’ house. It was as if a nightmare was now a reality, and I was living in it! Not only did this loss affect me but also my mom, aunt, and uncle, I can only imagine how they felt that day and still till this day. Losing their mother to something that could have been easily avoided makes it hurt even more. Especially my younger sister she was so young, she probably does not even remember any of it ever happening that’s what really breaks my heart. Because she was not able to create the same memories with my grandmother that I was able to at her age.
The moral of the story is when I think of loss a lot of things come to mind. I have lost a lot of important people in my life at a young age. I feel like every time I lose someone I change more and more every time. Loss/death can have a very big impact on someone’s life, because its changes a person’s life forever. Some losses you can bounce back from and some you can’t, but each time is a learning experience. Loss can have a long term or short term effect on someone’s life. Everyone is bound to take a loss in their lifetime, there isn’t anybody who has always had a “perfect” life and there never will be its just impossible. But the loses you take mold you into the person you are today and will continue to mold you for the rest of your life, especially if you don’t understand death. I feel that sometimes a casualty is necessary to motivate you to win. Taking a loss at a young age can really change the way an individual sees the world and how they see others. Being that the brain is not fully developed, it makes it hard to think when you take such a detrimental loss at such a young age, you will never see things the same again, and you won’t act the same, eat the same, or sleep the same. Losses constantly keep you thinking. Sometimes you don’t know why you have to take a loss or even if you deserved it but you don’t question it because it’s all in god’s plan.
Jaiden's Journey 